There’s nothing on.
Well maybe that’s a bit unfair, the new series of Shooting Stars begins tomorrow at 10pm on BBC2. Take the Money and Run has extreme accents this week (Tuesday, ABC). Er, that’s it, there’s no Fort Boyard next Saturday because of the rugby.
Looks like another quiet week on the bar. We’ve not done any iThing reviews for a while, is there anything relevant I’ve missed?
I do like your link to 1976 Celebrity Squares, ATV logo and all, and as things are dull perhaps we could play the parlour game of trying to generate a Big Box full of cultural equivalents 35 years on. Let’s pitch this as safe ITV early Saturday night fun. The pseudo-arrow denotes “before and after”.
Host: Bob Monkhouse -> Vernon Kay (another ITV contractual obligation show, while Kay tries anything for a hit that could just about be considered his own, fearing that the black cloud of Patrick Kielty is looming large)
Crazy voiceover: Kenny Everett -> Harry Hill (or a low-key return for Bobby Davro if Hill has better things to do)
Mad scientist: Magnus Pyke -> Sir Patrick Moore (…but kindly placed in the lower row, and copious references to Moore’s age)
Sitcom put-upon lady: Patsy Rowlands -> Kathy Burke (probably required to put herself in Gimme Gimme Gimme mode)
Slumming it: Terry Wogan -> Sir Terry Wogan (talked into it by the argument that he is doing Bob a favour even from beyond the grave)
Character actress: Pat Coombs -> Denise Welch (toning down the feistiness in comparison to her capability)
More old-school than you’d think comedy actor: Arthur Mullard -> Shane Richie (warning Kay backstage not to get too comfortable)
Muscle: John Conteh -> Frank Bruno (laughing it up; alternate with Ricky Hatton when not required for balance)
Radio stalwart: Roy Hudd -> Barry Cryer (a famiilar face because the demographic would inevitably skew older than ITV might like)
The camp: John Inman -> Alan Carr (suspiciously surrounded by men)
Satirical chops for the centre square: Willie Rushton -> David Mitchell (reliably funny, but not too proud to make hay while the sun shines)
In practice, one would hope that ITV would be rather more enlightened and diverse about things these days, but I somehow can’t quite see it either…
Ooh, now lets see:
Host: Keith Lemon
Leigh has demonstrated that he needs guests to bounce off so this would suit him quite well and leads me to an in-vision co-presenter
V/O: Stacy Solomon
Demonstrating the prizes, introducing the celebrities, right young Stacey’s alley.
Mad Scientist: Liz Bonnin from Bang Goes The Theory, always seems engaging and a few Pseudo-Science questions would help.
Sitcom Star: Su Pollard! Although since we’re going to up to date Sarah Hadland from Miranda would be funny – maybe with Miranda as well – oh the double boxabilities.
Slumming It: Julie Walters, who miraculously makes random career choices that always work – here as a lucky charm.
Actress: (ahem, Actor)
John Barrowman: you just know he’d end up in the centre square somehow.
Old School:
Ronnie Corbett: still struggling to go solo, an ensemble piece would suit him down to the ground.
Muscle:
Denise Lewis: surprisingly good presenter, plus Frank Bruno was taken!
Radio Stalwart:
My Radio knowledge is fairly poor and therefore I present to you..
Sooty, Sweep and Soo… and Richard Cadell – there so box numbers five and nine can make ‘under the desk jokes’.
The Camp:
Paul O’Grady: Since he’s friends with us now, and he’s always made a great guest – stealing the show for just long enough.
ITV are incredibly diverse and enlightened – I spend time helping them be so – but we’d still probably cast the show to stereotypes, except with more politically correct headers.
I much prefer yours to mine; mine was based on what I thought ITV would be able to put up, not should be able to put up. In my universe, the show gets three series, each subsequent season with worse celebrities and a weaker timeslot than its predecessor.
Very curious to know precisely what your connection to the business is, but I suspect that if you considered it our business then you’d probably have told us already… 🙂
In other news, the Hendon Mob web site has a presso about a forthcoming series of Late Night Poker; four heats and a final, so I’m going to guess that each game is going to be split over two shows. Victoria Coren to commentate, though I would hope not alone (is Jesse still tied to Party Poker’s shows?) and my views on Richard Orford are on record.
In what I consider great news and I suspect you may do too, the fact that the sponsor has gone from being a global big player to being a primarily domestic name has done a lot for domestic representation in the field, which looks – largely – delightfully old-school. A few big names from the last couple of years, but plenty of favourites as well. The worst thing I can say about the line-up is that it’s a bit Scandi-light, though one can always hope they take the qualifying places.
TELL US ABOUT THAT DEALER BUTTON BARNEY!
That’s great news, and they seem to have gone right back to the first series in terms of structure, albeit with double episodes. I guess the lack of Full Tilt is one of the reasons why Coren can commentate on this one.
Qusion is, correct me if I’m wrong, one of the schedulers at ITV?
I am indeed; primarily for CITV at the moment, I’m also what’s called a Talent Champion – which means I try and encourage diverse talent in the company.
Very cool, twice. Thanks for sharing!
I can’t claim credit for the link btw, it was a RT.
I’ll give this some thought tomorrow.
Hoping to avoid controversy in this week’s UC: Christ Church Oxford v Bath.
Christ Church won the 2007/8 series, of course, thanks largely to the buzzing abilities of captain Max Kaufman and Charles “Balliol” Markland. This is their sixth Paxman Era appearance in all.
Bath, meanwhile, are making just their second PE appearance, having been humbled by the London School of Economics in their first, in 2008/9.
It looks like BBC One are pushing ahead with the second series of Secret Fortune, as it’s set to return next Saturday (20th Aug).
Look in the box, see what we’ve got.
Host: I agree with Vernon Kay. Phillip Schofield is a bit too avuncular for this show, and Fern Britton just too nice.
Crazy voiceover: Gary King, anyone?
Mad scientist: Miranda Krestovnikoff off of Coast. Or Lembit Öpik, who is at least the son of an astronomer. I fear that Patrick Moore would only appear by video-link.
Comedy actress: Geraldine McNaulty, Mrs Raven from My Hero? Pauline McGlynn from Father Ted?
Slumming it: Lord Terence of Woganshire, ensuring the show has something for, er, people who remember it from first time round.
Character actress: Sally Lindsey, because everybody loves a winner.
Comedy actor: Paul Venables, Jamie from May to December and other roles.
Muscle: I agree with Denise Lewis.
Radio stalwart: David Mitchell here, I think.
The camp: I’d prefer this to be the feisty, and book Rhona Cameron. Or put her bottom middle and Josie Long here.
Middle middle one: Ronnie Corbett to hold the show together.
Again, much better than mine; too good, I fear, to be true.
I don’t suppose that the nine categories I have identified are strictly canonical, but (a) it’s interesting to see the sort of chemistry they’re driving at (no stunt casting like Blankety Blank sometimes having three weathermen out of six… and nowhere Wincey Willis) and (b) it’s probably not much of an exercise if we don’t try to set some sort of basis for things.
With regards to iThing apps you may have missed my game “Say What You See” (sound familiar?). A puzzle game with cryptic painting based on bands, TV shows, video games etc. Free to a good home (although you have to pay for extra canvases). Plug over.
Ooh I’ve already downloaded that. Nice one.
Great, I hope you liked it. We really should try and get a Roy Walker endorsement.
PUNTERS: You should all have a look at Say What You See as it’s a lot of fun, and also free on iPad and iPhone with extran games you can buy:
iPad: http://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/say-what-you-see-the-collection/id398570429?mt=8
iPhone: http://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/say-what-you-see-the-collection/id397730496?mt=8
It carries the Bother’s Bar Seal of Approval.