For whatever reason I’m not really feeling this this year, but please use this space to have a chat about it.
You can’t actually vote in this one if you’re in the UK. Lyrics on the red button. We can vote on Thursday’s one.
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Latvia: Weak at the beginning. Builds up by chorus. “Only Mr. God knows why” is a bad, bad lyric. And drops down at the verse, and back up again by chorus. Yeah, you can also guess by now I don’t like accordions. That end bit was a bit…no comment.
6/10.
Flashing light warning.
Patrick threatens Weaver for the title of “best Eurovision analyst in Birmingham”. Fails.
SHINY WARNING!!
This is Balkan!
Watching this through thumbnail view in Windows Vista, the first time I’ve ever found a really good use for that OS.
The flahses are in the red spectrum, and there’s some crazy white patterns going on too. Definitely counts as dangerous for anyone with epilepsy.
This song is dangerous for anyone who’s got a bet on Serbia to win. They won’t.
SERBIA 5
Serbia
…This seems to start nowhere, go nowhere, and is hitting notes that annoy me.
…We seem to be on the tenth of the three minutes.
2/10
SERBIA
Oh Christ. From Mr God to the Serbian David Bowie. BALKAN BALKAN BALKAN tries to be the new TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO and fails.
6/10
Serbia: Weird. Women trying to robot, severely off-key tribal yelling, cheesy trumpets, and what appears to be the male version of Sara Cox. Hmm. 4.5/10.
Another flashing light warning.
For the love of anyone with epilepsy and/or musical talent, let Serbia not go through.
Bosnia-Herzegovina – more shiny warning.
BOSNIA
A bit dull. 5/10
Bsonia Etc.
Very light pop/rock. Quite reasonable, but nothing particularly interesting here.
7/10
Definitely worth a shiny warning.
It’s like Natalia Barbu’s “Fight” for Moldova a few years back, isn’t it? But nowhere near as good, especially on the vocal.
Horrendous key change!!
BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA 4
Bosnia-Herz. : Actually, I rather like this. In that sorta We Will Rock You musical-esque power ballad sorta way. Quite good. 7.5/10
Analysis warning, apparently
POLAND
Bloke channeling the spirit of Holly Johnson at the beginning there. There doesn’t seem to be any tune here, although it is very dramatic.
Oh blimey, get a girl in a headlock then pull her top off. It’s Bucks Fizz for the modern age!
6/10
Poland
Strange vocal style, should great but it’s just interesting enough for it to get away with it.
…I think this is what Paddy thinks requires analysis.
7/10
I can watch this one!
What’s this? It’s got a demented musical theatre introduction, then turns into a very lame ballad that massively wastes a good voice.
The most bizarre mic placement for a big belt note I’ve ever seen from the female vocalist there, almost into her chest.
Best singing of the night, I’ll give it that much. POLAND 7
Poland: It’s the bastard child of Spain’s one this year and Malta’s 2007 one.
5.5/10.
Getting a cup of tea.
I missed the headlock, although I’m sure there’s a feminist critique of it, especially with the pulling-off-the-top thing…
Here comes the Belgian!
And he’s trying to gain attention by being a counterpoint to the spectacular staging. One man with his guitar doing a generic acoustic ballad. With lovely strings in the background.
This is my sort of thing. It suffers from me having listened to Fyfe Dangerfield several times in a row before this, but it’s the first time I’ve ever heard this sort of thing at Eurovision before and I love it for that alone.
BELGIUM 8.75 (I was torn between an 8.5 and a 9…)
Belgium: Tom Dice and a rather nasty guitar paint-job. Song, however, is a genuinely good ballad. Belgium’s best chance in years.
8.5/10.
Belgium
…Guy with a guitar. No backing, singers or music.
Just a guy with an accoustic guitar.
And a guy singing quite well with a guitar.
Like this piece, a bit generic pop for my tastes but… Nice.
9/10
Belgium – actually really pleasant. 7.5/10
Malta: My girlfriend had that hair colour. Well, ex-girlfriend. *cries*
Anyway, generic early-90s ballad which could break into I Will Always Love You at any time in the verses. Holy crap, Birdman. It’s why Gatchaman should never happen in real life.
5/10.
MALTA
Pleasant, but in a bit of a dull way. Oh wow, her dress has grown wings.
Malta is sponsored by Final Fantasy.
5/10
Malta
Ballad.
Smoke.
Gorgeous hair colour.
Wind machine.
Generic Eurovision Ballad.
Nothing really to say about it other than that– Oh angel wings? Or are they bird wings?
7/10
MALTA
“My Dream” – Thea Garrett
Can I just say how delighted I am that their female entrant , despite her youth, hasn’t been chosen on sylph-like looks? +1 for that.
It’s an X-Factor winners’ song! And of the original songs used for such purposes, it’s probably not better than “A Moment Like This”, but it’s better than “That’s My Goal”.
Interesting transition into head voice there, very much giving away that she’s classically trained.
MALTA 7.5
If Belgium wins, Weaver will remind us every week that Amy MacDonald should have entered for the UK. The lead single from the new album is barely three minutes long…
Albania bring back the Eurodance.
ALBANIA
It’s Britney Spears’ Womanizer, and that makes it an easy 9/10 but there’s also a fiddle!
9.5/10
Albania
Electropop
Missing shiny warning.
Electropop with a gospel trio backing, seemingly.
I shouldn’t enjoy this but I am doing.
Oh, like the break in the electrobit.
8.25/10
Purple – the unofficial colour of HDTV.
Could just about warrant a shiny warning?
It’s the Obligatory Euro2010 Violin!
Well-constructed rather than anything special. Won’t win, will hopefully get through, but suffers from being after two good songs.
ALBANIA 7
Albania: Hilariously over-the-top violin solo there. This song is basically going into Band Hero 2 now for that.
Anyway, nice slice of 12th beat electropop, sitting rather comfortably in quality stakes between Jan Jan (Armenia 2009) and Je t’adore (you know).
7/10.
Greece: I heard this guy bloody everywhere on holiday in Zante last year. And the time before, and the time before, and…
Anyway, Greek restaurant music gets redone by Naoki. Drum loop sounds awesome during the violin-thing solo. Scratching! At first I disliked this, but now…I actually like it quite a bit.
7/10.
Greece
…Sounds like a World Cup song to me.
Combines parts of modern pop I dislike with a sort of tribalesque feel somehow.
Fascinating effect…
Ooh, like the instrumental bit. Mixes bits I hate and bits I love.
7
Greece might just about warrant a Shiny Warning too.
OPA!
This is a hook in search of a song, I sense. It’ll get through anyway, and it’s better than last year’s “This Is The Night”.
That’s four songs in a row that are sure-fire qualifiers.
The ObViolin is a disturbing design. And the less said about the rest of the bridge the better.
GREECE 6.5
GREECE
Errrr… Hmm. Duncan James has aged.
5.5/10
“Greek restaurant music gets redone by Naoki.”
Quote of the night!!
We go from the first basket case of European economics to the second, Portugal. With a teenager who’s already escaped her debt-ridden country and lives in London. But makes up for it (?) by singing in her native language.
PORTUGAL
5/10
Portugal: It’s My Time in a different language. I’d say ‘not a chance’, but every time somebody does, they qualify. Hmm.
5/10.
Portugal
Generic Eurovision Ballad, though sung in a style that wouldn’t be out of place as the Princess piece in a Disney film.
…That’s a thought, how do you think something sung in the style of a Disney villain song would go down in Europe? Something, big, bold, exciting… Be Prepared style.
Back to Portugal… Nothing special, nothing bad, and better than Greece’s entry.
7.25
It’s an overblown melismatic ballad. Head voice in first verse? Check. Belting in second? Check. Key change at the second chorus? Blinking hell.
And here comes another change!
Will people be impressed by the vocal performance enough to vote for it?
PORTUGAL 6.5
Oh my God, a bubble-wrap dress.
Paddy asks the immortal question: How does your bird work?
…And then pops the bubble wrap of someone’s skirt.
Macedonia offer a native-language tribute to Phil Taylor. What, there’s another explanation for their entry title translating to “I Got The Power”?
More bag o’ nails than nine-dart finish I’m afraid. And -1 or more for blatant sexism with the barely-dressed backing dancers.
Not even an amusing rapper in a silver suit can make up for it, and that is saying something.
FYR MACEDONIA 5 (treble 1, 1, 1)
FYR MACEDONIA
It’s nice to see Ken Livingstone’s keeping his hand in. Plus bonus rap bit!
7/10
FYR Macedonia
Male ballad.
Yet more backing dancer throttling from a male singer…
Does nothing for me, but its a well performed nothing.
…Rap section, and seemingly not a very good rap section I think.
Guitar solo redeems the rap section in part.
6.5/10
FRYOMacedonia: When this first came out, I loved it, whilst everyone else hated it. Now not loving, but still thinking it’s quite good. Rap section! Squiddly guitar solo gets bonus points.
7.5/10.
I wanted to deduct 1 for the lighting as it should have been a shiny warning but the guitar solo made up for it.
PADDY ADMITS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A SHINY WARNING!!!
BELARUS
Oh dear God.
3/10